A NEWSLETTER FROM DAVID CORN |
A NEWSLETTER FROM DAVID CORN |
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Have a Merry (Cracked) Christmas |
By David Corn December 20, 2022 |
The 1969 billboard Christmas message from John Lennon and Yoko Ono in Times Square that led to one of the best Christmas songs. AP |
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As a kid growing up Jewish, I did not enjoy Christmastime. Caring not a whit about Christianity’s savior, Christmas trees, carols, or stockings, I would feel alienated from mainstream society during these weeks: an outsider not participating in what was supposedly the most wonderful time of the year. In subsequent years, as someone not keen on religion or commercialism, I remained rankled by the holiday season. Bah humbug, you might say. But eventually, with a family of mixed religious traditions, I made my peace with the Yuletide. (Yes, we have a tree.) But in my crankier Xmas days, I forged a playlist of cynical, dark, or alternative Christmas tunes that I occasionally updated. “Cracked Christmas,” I called it. Light on the jolly, heavy on the irony and subversion. It was a useful soundtrack for Scrooging through the Santa stretch. But the list is also a reminder of how Christmas and other religious doings have the power to inspire great art, whether celebratory or skeptical. Here’s that list. I’m glad Christmas gave birth to these songs.
“Happy Xmas (War Is Over),” John Lennon and Yoko Ono and the Plastic Ono Band. Not cynical at all, this 1971 single dares to apply the fundamental meaning of Christmas—peace on Earth—to the ongoing Vietnam War. It is loving and confrontational. No Xmas song has ever been truer. Not bad for a tune written by a fellow who shifted between agnosticism and atheism. Then again, Irving Berlin, a Jew, wrote “White Christmas,” and according to the CBC, Jewish songwriters have composed more than half of the Christmas classics.
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“Fairytale of New York,” The Pogues. A melancholic tale of a pair of down-and-out lovers for whom Christmas brings memories of what was once a more hopeful time. The incomparable Kirsty MacColl joins the Celtic punk-rock Pogues and sings her heart out on this one.
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“A Christmas Song,” Jethro Tull. Written in the form of a traditional English ballad, this song targets Christmastime hypocrisy: “Christmas spirit is not what you drink.” |
“Christmas Day,” Jim White. Jim White is a rather eccentric indie musician who defies category. His lyrics are Tom Waits–like; his melodies are ghostlike. In this song, a protagonist is stranded in a Greyhound station on Christmas Day. |
“Father Christmas,” The Kinks. Another jolt of cynicism, with a department store Santa being mugged by kids who want money, not silly toys. But there is a larger point: “Have yourself a merry merry Christmas / Have yourself a good time / But remember the kids who got nothin' / While you're drinkin' down your wine.” |
“Christmas Morning,” Lyle Lovett. This is one of Lyle Lovett’s many sweet and acerbic compositions. He croons that it’s “the time of the year” when people “tell you it's peace and good will to all men.” But he adds, “What could they mean by that? Perhaps I'm the fool they take me for.” |
“Christmas in Capetown,” Randy Newman. Few songwriters have more bite than Randy Newman. On this 1983 track, he imagines a racist in apartheid South Africa during Christmastime. It’s not pretty. Warning: He uses the n-word. |
“Merry Christmas From the Family,” Robert Earl Keen. Sweet and tender family dysfunction at the holidays, with margaritas, Marlboro Lights, Diet Rite, and bean dip. I have a friend who tells me this precisely describes her family’s Christmas. Glad I’ve never been invited. |
“River,” Joni Mitchell. There are plenty of sad-Christmas songs. This is the best one. The melancholic riff on “Jingle Bells” is achingly sorrowful. The pain of a romantic breakup cuts deep on this track. “I wish I had a river I could skate away on.” Indeed. But instead she is stuck in sunny California at Christmastime. (Aimee Mann did a lovely cover of this.)
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“Christmas (Baby Please Come Home),” Darlene Love. Okay, perhaps this is the best sad-Christmas song. Here is a simple tune that captures the fundamental yearning to be with a loved one for the holidays. But there’s an ambiguity: Why is this longed-for person not coming home? A breakup? Something else? “They're singing ‘Deck The Halls’ / But it's not like Christmas at all.” The song, written by Ellie Greenwich and Jeff Barry (who together wrote “Be My Baby”) and producer Phil Spector, is a powerful reminder of how the season of cheer can be a damn lonely time for some. Darlene Love’s original and powerful rendition was justifiably slotted at number one on Rolling Stone’s list of the greatest rock ‘n’ roll Christmas songs. For almost three decades she performed it annually on David Letterman’s late-night show. It’s been covered by Mariah Carey, U2, and others. But Love tops them all.
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“Xmas in February,” Lou Reed. In his sing-talk manner, Reed sings about a homeless Vietnam vet and somehow connects that to Christmas. |
“I Believe in Father Christmas,” Greg Lake. The lead singer of Emerson, Lake, and Palmer suggests that hope can overcome cynicism in this reflection on the holiday, but it might not. The song begins: “They said there'll be snow at Christmas. They said there'll be peace on earth. But instead it just kept on raining. A veil of tears for the virgin birth.” It ends: “The Christmas we get we deserve.” |
“Jesus Was an Only Son,” Bruce Springsteen. You expected Bruce Springsteen’s “Santa Claus Is Comin’ to Town,” his most popular tack on Spotify? That is a holiday favorite, but not for this run-down. Instead, I selected a number that, in some ways, is the opposite in spirit to that rollicking cover. For this song, Springsteen envisions Jesus not as a savior but in a more down-to-earth role: a mother’s son.
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“Chocolate Jesus,” Tom Waits. This is technically an Easter song, as Tom Waits sings about an “immaculate confection”— that is, a chocolate Jesus. Literally. But don’t forget this Waits tune: “Christmas Card From a Hooker in Minneapolis.” |
“Christmas Wrapping,” The Waitresses. I know this is a sweet song about a Christmas meet-cute. No undercurrents. But I used to see this new wave band in New York City clubs before it had this hit. So some rom-com relief. |
“Merry Christmas (I Don’t Want to Fight Tonight),” The Ramones. The best bubble-gum punkers share an important message: “Christmas ain't the time for breaking each other's heart. Merry Christmas, I don't want to fight tonight.” |
“Christmas Duel,” Cyndi Lauper and the Hives. This 2008 duet by the Swedish band The Hives and Cyndi “Girls Just Want To Have Fun” Lauper takes the let’s-not-fight-during-Christmas narrative to a height the Ramones could not have imagined. The song starts out dark: “I bought no gifts this year / And I slept with your sister / I know I should have thought twice / Before I kissed her.” From there it gets darker, with extramarital sex with an in-law, a car wreck, a record collection set on fire, and a hitman hired. Lauper and Hives frontman Howlin’ Pelle Almqvist sing, “Who the fuck anyway wants a Christmas tree?” Yet…the Christmas magic triumphs, as they end up together on the chorus: “We should both just be glad / And spend-spend this Christmas together.”
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Perhaps Lauper and the Hives capture the Christmas spirit the best. Whatever shit happens—"I bought no tree this year / And I slept with your brother”—and whatever you think about the holiday, you can elect to make these weeks a special time. War is over, if you want it? Not exactly. But we can choose to be guided—even if by commerce-driven messaging—toward being kinder, gentler, and more compassionate, empathetic, and generous at home and beyond. (I’ll be making year-end donations to José Andrés’ World Central Kitchen and the Tommy Raskin Memorial Fund for People and Animals.) We at Our Land hope you are having the holiday season you desire. Thanks for being part of our expanded family. Merry whatever.
You can hear all the above songs on a Spotify playlist. And because you made it this far, the weirdest Christmas collaboration ever: |
P.S. The news did continue this week. The House January 6 committee on Monday released an introduction to its forthcoming final report. I read it so you don’t have to. You can check out my article on this devastating indictment of Donald Trump. |
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Got suggestions, comments, complaints, tips related to any of the above, or anything else? Email me at ourland@motherjones.com. |
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