Over at the Daily Mail today you will find a story about Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene allegedly having a pair of affairs with guys she met at the gym. One of them, according to the tabloid, was Justin Tway, who became the manager of the Alpharetta, Georgia, CrossFit gym where Greene was on staff and worked out. The other was supposedly Craig Ivey, a “polyamorous tantric-sex guru,” according to the Daily Mail, who has posted at least one Facebook photo of himself stark naked in front of waterfall doing yoga. (On Instagram, Ivey says he is “Living a warrior lifestyle while finding tantric love” and is planning to start a polyamorous commune. According to the Daily Mail, he also teaches sword fighting and participates in medieval battle reenactments.) The affairs allegedly happened nearly a decade ago, presumably before Greene had any interest in higher office, in part because Ivey’s politics appear to be the polar opposite of Greene’s. (In one Facebook photo he sports what appears to be a red “Make America Great Again” hat, which actually reads “Made You Look, Black Lives Matter.”) Neither man denied the affairs to the Daily Mail, and Jim Chambers, who owns the gym where the three allegedly met, told the paper Greene was “quite open about” the dalliances. New Yorker reporter Charles Bethea also spoke to one of the men Greene allegedly slept with—it’s not clear which one—who said, “She’s not the pro-family, pro-Christian, strong-business woman she touts herself to be.”

Unsurprisingly, Greene has denied everything, calling the article “ridiculous tabloid garbage spread by an avowed Communist” and “another attempt to smear my name because I’m the biggest threat to the Democrats’ Socialist agenda.” To which we say: Congresswoman, have more alleged affairs! Please! For America!

To be clear, this request isn’t about advocating for cheating on one’s spouse, and we don’t actually care what consenting adults do with their private lives as long as no one is getting hurt. Instead, it’s about Greene spending more time allegedly banging tantric-sex gurus and gym owners and less time doing all the other things that have kept her occupied over the last few years, including but not limited to:

• Promoting QAnon, the conspiracy theory that Democrats, Hollywood, and other elites are running a Satanic pedophile cult and eat babies;
• Claiming school shootings like Parkland and Sandy Hook were false flags and/or staged, and that Nancy Pelosi and Hillary Clinton wanted school shootings to happen so they could get gun control legislation passed;
• Harassing David Hogg, a survivor of the Marjory Stoneman Douglas shooting and screaming at him on the street that he was a “coward” using children to further anti-gun initiatives;
• Insisting there’s no evidence a plane actually crashed into the Pentagon on 9/11;
• Blaming the California wildfires on Jewish laser beams;
• Baselessly claiming the election was stolen from Donald Trump;
• Calling for Nancy Pelosi to be executed
• Offering a fake mea culpa for some of the above and then making it clear she wasn’t sorry about any of it

Think about it: Just by virtue of the number of hours in a day, if Greene were having affairs with the manager of a CrossFit gym and a polyamorous tantric-sex guru, she probably wouldn’t have the time to chase down school-shooting survivors on the street or spread baseless conspiracy theories about her opponents being members of a Satan-worshipping cabal that eats children or film videos of herself calling for the murder of Democratic leadership. She just wouldn’t! In fact, if she‘s having tantric sex like Sting and Trudie Styler, that kind of thing can take the better part of the day. In which case she might not even have time to serve in Congress at all. And since Republicans won’t expel her for all the actually heinous things she’s done, it would be great (for the country) if she could suddenly realize on her own that she just can’t juggle both.

(Tway, unfortunately, does not appear interested in reigniting things, telling the Daily Mail: “I have no interest in talking about anything to do with that woman. Everything with her comes to no good.” Ivey similarly told the paper, “I will not respond to anything about this.”)

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Democrats ask valid question that certain people whose political party rhymes with “shmepublican” would rather not answer

Trump’s impeachment lawyers considering shortening defense to less than the length of The Irishman

To be fair, it doesn’t take that long to say, “Let’s be honest…you’re going to acquit our client no matter what.” Per CNN:

A source close to former President Trump's legal team says the defense is eyeing shortening their presentation and possibly making it as short as three hours in an effort to make it “short, tight, and direct.” The team plans to include video presentations showing Democratic leaders using similar language to Trump, including one clip of Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer outside the U.S. Supreme Court, saying “I want to tell you, Gorsuch, I want to tell you, Kavanaugh, you have released the whirlwind, and you will pay the price. You won’t know what hit you if you go forward with these awful decisions,” referring to Supreme Court Justices Neil Gorsuch and Brett Kavanaugh. 

While Schumer’s words did not precede violence of any kind, and his supporters did not storm the Capitol in a riot that left five people dead, the ex-president’s legal team reportedly plans to “argue hypocrisy and say Trump never intended for the protesters at the ‘Stop the Steal’ march to take over the Capitol building,” which, of course, is not believable at all.

Area Republican thinks impeachment is a very slippery slope

In break with predecessor, Biden will buy more doses of COVID-19 vaccine

Whereas the Trump administration declined an offer to buy additional doses last summer, Biden has decided that, actually, it would be good to have enough for everyone who wants to get a shot:

The Biden administration on Thursday purchased another 200 million doses of the two coronavirus vaccines authorized for emergency use in the United States, securing sufficient shots by the end of July to cover everyone currently eligible for inoculation. President Biden, in remarks capping an afternoon tour of the National Institutes of Health, announced the deals for 100 million more doses from Pfizer and German company BioNTech and 100 million more from Moderna. The expectation, Biden said, is that the additional doses will be delivered by the end of July.

The purchases increase available supply by 50%, bringing the total to 600 million doses. Because both products are two-dose regimens, that would be enough to fully vaccinate 300 million people. An estimated 260 million people in the United States are currently considered eligible to receive a coronavirus vaccine, though trials involving children as young as 12 could widen the pool.

In one of its last acts, the Trump administration told states that it would release its reserve of vaccines, only to inform said states that said reserves did not exist.

Elsewhere!

If Convicting Trump Is Out of Reach, Managers Seek a Verdict From the Public and History (NYT)

Five more charged in Capitol riot allegedly teamed with Kansas City Proud Boys (Washington Post)

Pelosi expects COVID relief will be signed into law before unemployment programs expire (CNBC)

Now out of office, Trump may have to face tax questions (Washington Post)

Dating App Bumble Jumps in Debut After $2.15 Billion IPO (Bloomberg)

Trump was sicker from COVID than the public was told at the time, report says (CNBC)

Fake heiress Anna Sorokin released early from prison (NYP)

Aging desktop source of attorney’s accidental cat filter (AP)

Professor realizes at end of two-hour Zoom lecture that he was on mute (NYP)

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